impromptuz

BEGGING LIKE A DOG HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHH

變態有病 我識就唔使問 我明就唔駛你解啦
點解我要搖頭擺尾 低能 癡線
我睇得明就唔使問人啦 但你都要當下我人至得架
汪汪汪汪汪
剝削階級 ！！
我知你聰明先要黎找你的啦咁遠水路  呀聰明

邊有乞兒乞飯食時 要比人踢反碗飯 仲要人吠三聲

well im always contradicting myself

all along, my way of doing work is do everything by myself
i search my own solution my own recipe my own way of doing
i dun give a damn to wht study groups or discussion group or office hours

becoz i really hate begging for help

and especially they one who can help you,
are always looking down on you with disguise.

so fine, leave me alone and i will use whtever method to achieve whtever i have to do.

u know what, i dun really need your help.

i prepare by myself, at most i will look for feedback, no, i dun want your help. too generous for me.

why do i hv to be inferior to be anyone else and scorned at ..im just looking for help.

if getting high marks means i have to beg on my knee
even i going to get a zero for this im not going to ask you anything

[ok i know i can absolutely go to office hour or TAs as they will cheerfully help me as they are paid to do so. but damn my time management, i couldn’t start my pset until 10pm tonight and due tmr 11am]

now i understand why egyptians and so many cultures used to worship Sun as their god

because you will feeel soooo blessed when there is sun, especially in boston!!!

after days of rains, clouds, winds, xyz , $&%..FINALLY, SPRING!

SUN! BIRDS HUMMING! SOFT WIND!

happiest thing today:
Bought wonton noodles from food truck, with eason ‘s music from ipod
sitting at the bench under the sun, touched softly by the wind………….

its funny to see how my life always loop back to the chaotic/ disorganized mode
no matter how i promise myself , ‘from today onwards, I will xyzxyz….”
and i could never realize my own goal / will……….

my life is so messed up, crazily messed up
u hv no idea how the hell I could end up like this

It was the best of time. It was the worst of times
feels like i am walking by a cliff blindfolded , and i dun even smell the lethal x
feels like im playing my own game, im my own judge,
i made the rule, im the audience, im everyone but myself.

i had a dream yesterday.
i tried to jump over to the other side of a cliff. and i keep falling keep falling keep falling
then i sink into the river , then i found a dead body, with exactly my body size and features
but i dun dare to look at her face.

i really hate to write sth like this in some public blogs like this
becoz i dun really want to publicize how eff up I am now and making people or myself worry

but indeed i am. i hv lost track of time. lost track of responsibilities.
lost track of self-discipline. I dun hell know how I would end up like this.
It is troublesome enough to deal with myself already…
and i dun eff care how long u hvnt seen me appearing or say how folded i am
u know what, if you are going through what im going through right now,
u will be surprised how  i could still type out this entry

no, i dun want any “nei mo yea ma?” such kind of sympathy
becoz i know very clearly at one point i will become normal again
but this time im at the dark trough for too long that i am losing sense of time.

there is no way return becoz im blinded, unless someone leads me out of the mess
and tell me how i should walk my way again

i sound positive,  i should sound like im positive
it is a very selfish act to sound pessimistic becoz it means you are unwittingly influencing everyone around you!
pathetic.

諸君、嵐は終わった。

When All You Have Left Is Your Pride