now i understand why egyptians and so many cultures used to worship Sun as their god

because you will feeel soooo blessed when there is sun, especially in boston!!!

after days of rains, clouds, winds, xyz , $&%..FINALLY, SPRING!

SUN! BIRDS HUMMING! SOFT WIND!

happiest thing today:
Bought wonton noodles from food truck, with eason ‘s music from ipod
sitting at the bench under the sun, touched softly by the wind………….

its funny to see how my life always loop back to the chaotic/ disorganized mode
no matter how i promise myself , ‘from today onwards, I will xyzxyz….”
and i could never realize my own goal / will……….

my life is so messed up, crazily messed up
u hv no idea how the hell I could end up like this

It was the best of time. It was the worst of times
feels like i am walking by a cliff blindfolded , and i dun even smell the lethal x
feels like im playing my own game, im my own judge,
i made the rule, im the audience, im everyone but myself.

i had a dream yesterday.
i tried to jump over to the other side of a cliff. and i keep falling keep falling keep falling
then i sink into the river , then i found a dead body, with exactly my body size and features
but i dun dare to look at her face.

i really hate to write sth like this in some public blogs like this
becoz i dun really want to publicize how eff up I am now and making people or myself worry

but indeed i am. i hv lost track of time. lost track of responsibilities.
lost track of self-discipline. I dun hell know how I would end up like this.
It is troublesome enough to deal with myself already…
and i dun eff care how long u hvnt seen me appearing or say how folded i am
u know what, if you are going through what im going through right now,
u will be surprised how  i could still type out this entry

no, i dun want any “nei mo yea ma?” such kind of sympathy
becoz i know very clearly at one point i will become normal again
but this time im at the dark trough for too long that i am losing sense of time.

there is no way return becoz im blinded, unless someone leads me out of the mess
and tell me how i should walk my way again

i sound positive,  i should sound like im positive
it is a very selfish act to sound pessimistic becoz it means you are unwittingly influencing everyone around you!
pathetic.

諸君、嵐は終わった。

When All You Have Left Is Your Pride

.______.”
so as expected i got this reply.
and now here comes the ngao-dai feeling…..
1) can i really handle it
2) my parents oppose it
3) it is not totally relevant
4) my summer will be extremely crazy as MIT life..or more.

ai = = but the fact is i got no other interviews ma..

when studying..there’s always millisecond flashback like when i learnt these stuffs ..

e.g. rmb miss fong taught speed = distance / time in primary 4 (while calculating period for cyclotron)
rmb ‘drop power down, minus power by one” repeated N times by ms choy (calculus class~)
rmb e^e^3 is = 3.. taught by my maths tutor repeatedly becoz im so confused with e (when calculating integrating factor)
rmb many english rules taught by ms chau in form 1, e.g. “but never goes with though” when typing emails
rmb projectile motion once taught by woo lo in phy olympiad training in form 5…
rmb in to is “into” instead of in to taught by my mum becoz i got it wrong everytime in my dictation
rmb never badmouth any ppl/parties during interview taught by gor gor
etc ..etc…