kidulthood

“Probably my worst quality is that I get very passionate about what I think is right.”

Hilary Clinton

this weekend is uneventful, I really have no idea what I was doing the past few days.
I tried hard to switch back to US time zone, and fashionably failed.
anyway, it doesn’t hurt to live in another time zone because my schedule allowed me to do so.

ah right, I was always playing Restaurtant City, while all my friends went to their partays
this is one thing im never ashamed about. what’s so bad about not joining in parties and stuffs.
while u guys despise im still at the stage of playing flash games instead of partying, or, MIT-style,
屁setting , studying, u-roping..im enjoying myself so much!
ahh but it’s really so addictive….

hahaha , if u always read my blog, ok i always have this tendency thinking people are despising me
that’s a very prominent symptom of inferior complex XD
i guess its sth about my childhood, im never approved for anything,
if i got any achievement, then people will start to relate ‘ah just becoz ur mum is who who who’

and gradually i give up , becoz seems im not supposed to hv any achievement, if yes, that’s in vain.
i won’t deny that my parents helped me a lot since birth, in all kind of aspects, well, but so do yours
anyway, talking about respect (tin yum: we are not even mentioning about respect at all )
i think its really mutual. if i want people to respect me playing restaurant city
i have to respect them partying all day long too, even in fact down in my heart i will pathetic for them.
so ok, cancel out, win-win, you have your life, i have my life.

ahhh ok im getting random
i really wonder who is reading my blog actually. did this help you understand me more?

things to do next:
1) tidy up my room
2) do mastering physics [so geng, i took a very long nap then i thought i missed the deadline!! luckily its postponed]
3) print pset, do u-rop, read pset, do japanese hw..etc

and lastly,

MY BRO IS COMING TOMORROW!!!!!! YEAHHHH
homework of the week: make my brother happy!

expected response/comment of this entry:
1. omg f!0ni is so childish in thinking…when will she grow up??
2. kui dou soh soh dei……
3. yau beng, this girl thinks too much

anyway, wht i lack is
1. determination to wake up
2. concentration span

3 . the spell — ” i can do it”
if i got these back, then jau ok la

an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people.
-how true.

你知道當你需要個夏天 我會拼了命努力
我知道你會做我的掩護 當我是個逃兵

gua

I have told
all of my enemies,
very politely,
to go home

I have seen all of your remedies,
now won’t you let me please
go home

I can’t find anything to be sad about
They say I’m doomed but I feel fine

I have tried so very hard as hell
to stay away from hell
and live upstairs

But when I see all of your remedies
I try quite desperately to go home

But if I’m sitting here lonely
with no-one to hold me
At least I’ll have my health
I’m trying to control myself

I’ve been acting irresponsibly,
oh what could possibly go wrong
I have choked on all your remedies
now won’t you let me please go home

From:     xx@MIT.EDU
Subject:     8.02 Exam 2 Grade: Congratulations!

Dear Fi0n!,

Congratulations!  You scored 90 on Exam 2.  This is an impressive score,
with good improvement from the previous exam

yeah~~my first A in a phy midtermXD

step function

i’m not going to delete my previous entries

because once again i should rmb how crazy i would go when im feeling crazy (= =?)

honestly, the more I achieve, the more severe my inferiority complex is

maybe firstly even i couldn’t convince myself whether i deserve the achievements i got now

secondly i know very clearly how ‘good’ my standard is…

anyway……………

my crazy sympthons is:

destructive

self-destructive

tend to make noise (shout, scream, bing bing bang bang)

scrowl

etc

汪汪汪汪汪汪汪汪

BEGGING LIKE A DOG HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHH

變態有病 我識就唔使問 我明就唔駛你解啦
點解我要搖頭擺尾 低能 癡線
我睇得明就唔使問人啦 但你都要當下我人至得架
汪汪汪汪汪
剝削階級 !!
我知你聰明先要黎找你的啦咁遠水路  呀聰明

邊有乞兒乞飯食時 要比人踢反碗飯 仲要人吠三聲

well im always contradicting myself

all along, my way of doing work is do everything by myself
i search my own solution my own recipe my own way of doing
i dun give a damn to wht study groups or discussion group or office hours

becoz i really hate begging for help

and especially they one who can help you,
are always looking down on you with disguise.

so fine, leave me alone and i will use whtever method to achieve whtever i have to do.

u know what, i dun really need your help.

i prepare by myself, at most i will look for feedback, no, i dun want your help. too generous for me.

why do i hv to be inferior to be anyone else and scorned at ..im just looking for help.

if getting high marks means i have to beg on my knee
even i going to get a zero for this im not going to ask you anything

[ok i know i can absolutely go to office hour or TAs as they will cheerfully help me as they are paid to do so. but damn my time management, i couldn’t start my pset until 10pm tonight and due tmr 11am]

my Ω

1) i really love my lunch today , wonton noodles under the sun

2) my Ω. today i struggled for almost half an hour. should i go to the recitation at 11am (mama, i dont have to attend this because thats not my class, but thought going might help) or should i sleep till 12:30pm? then (rarely), my conscience wins!

3) had 8o2 exam. gao chor ah everything from pastpapers. but it didnt mean i will do well though becoz i say parellel wires will repel ^^ (WTH..i wrote attract at first, then at last i changed to repel hahhahha)

4) summer internship firmed. haha …im always doing unusual/irrelvant things =_=’ anyway, thanks God