咒文吻上臉

im tired

i dont want to study

i have no motivation

i have hea 3 days already

i did nothing constructive but risk.

if witnessing my failure could make u a lil bit happier,

or gratify you,

or let you have a chance to tease at me, to judge me,

or could satisfy your own ego for no reason,

or justify yourself a lil bit more,

or think that you are much more hardworking than i am,

or finding a solid proof that i’m indeed useless,

or getting excited to find out im not as hardcore as ppl said,

or finding a new topic as a new rumor,

or badmouth me,

or couldnt wait to witness my doomsdays for effing up my finals,

or you are feeling sympathetic/pathetic about my inferior attitude,

or you have always looked at me with scorn,

or as president bush said, u think u are not misunderestimating me,

or glad that as Plato said my attitude will make me walk lame to the end of my life,

welcome to do so and here is the chance.

but if you are feeling the same as I do,

welcome to the club.

(and now you know why I hate being in a double room.
the above assumptions just pop up when I found out someone is here when im taking an afternoon nap.
and Im not lying that i have inferior complex. u won’t want to know to know the painful reason though.)

記夢

再記不起  被悄悄淡忘的生活情節，
就會變成永遠失落的回憶缾圖的一角

所以 每當遇上特別的經歷，她就會加強eidetic memory的力量，
好將每一個細節，每一字都記下來，
就像增強了功能的錄影機，
有更高的fps + video resolution + audio recording format ,
目的是要將片段融為文字。

所以，最近奇怪的事情發生了

無論是夜夢白日夢長夢短夢好夢噩夢，
下意識讓她連夢裡的事都全記住了
如真的如佛洛依德所說，
發夢目的是實現願望的話，
那她也總算明白為甚麼她常有deja vu 的錯覺，
有重複自己的感覺

更病態地自以為  真假交錯的回憶讓她
早已深刻地親歷過不同程度的恐懼及失望
錯亂的情節也統統烙在腦海裡了

突然想起了由羅賓威廉斯主演的電影 The Final Cut
故事背景定在近未來，人類發展出可以紀錄人一生的迴光晶片，
把每天生活的聲音和眼前的影像一秒不失的全紀錄下來
而羅賓威廉斯扮演的職業就是剪接晶片
，緝成總結死者的一生的影片
在葬禮給死者家屬、朋友作為回憶的紀念。

Viscious Cycle

this is exactly what’s happening now:

just random: i realized ppl always want to show off in front of me ?
maybe im too sensitive but i really wanna tell u guys that i dun really care?
becoz im pretty sure they mean nothing to me ?? becoz first-impression is indestructible.

發覺這世界永遠太少深刻
因此花一天改變一切習慣
發覺這世界永遠太多蹺蹊
因此花一天擁有一切運氣

慢慢地邁向聽朝
靜靜地懷念昨日
再決定今天只要相信愛
叫皺紋散開 喚青春歸來
因此我喜歡花一天感覺一切是愛

齊物論

before anything, i really wanna say:華懋一定要贏 ng goi…and mr.chan等天收

What I would really do is :

0) Buy a new eyeglasses. one of them broke into two pieces. I want a nerdy one.
1) Watch OCW videos for Engineering Mechanics I every night / weekend

2) write detective novel jointly with my MIT friend in a blog starting from June
(yea maybe next year u will see @ur  hometown bookstore…detective novel by MIT authors!)

3) shop stuffs to decorate my new room into a 和室
(??!)

or buying pictures like

seriously,
how to decorate my room liek a japanese roomm???? any suggestion?

________________
昔者莊周夢為胡蝶
栩栩然胡蝶也
自喻適志與
不知周也
俄然覺 則蘧蘧然周也
不知周之夢為胡蝶與
胡蝶之夢為周與
—–莊子<齊物論>

春立下分際的標竿時，我作了一個夢。
我夢見我竟然變成了人，走到草原上，
看著自己飛來飛去。
雨水沾濕了翅膀，卻讓花香更清明；
穀雨雖然寒冷，卻讓鮮豔的顏色更磅礡。
當我還是蝴蝶的時候，我不知道自己如此地快樂。

我遇過這叢花嗎？或是這花的誕生是因為我？
我能再遇到他嗎？還是我從未盛開過？
不過，我知道那花從此印記成我的紋路

Chaque papillon etait le fantome d’une fleur passe,
revenant a la recherche de elle-meme

那個隱居的女人，她的朋友說。

Est-ce que j’ai vraiment rencontre cette fleur?
Etait-elle nee pour moi?
Est-ce que je vais la revoir?
N’ai-je jamais eclos?

當我夢為人的時候，我才發覺這被忽略的快樂。
尋找前世的蝴蝶，在夢的觸鬚中成了人；
身體形式是生命的各站停靠。
懂得太多的人，被心眼絆倒，在計較間迷走打轉
而那不怕貘、不懂生死的翅膀，正飛舞在最美的風景間
我期待夢醒的時候，要做一隻順應快樂的蝴蝶。

「每一個蝴蝶都是從前的一朵花的鬼魂，回來尋找它自己。」

懂得太多人被心眼絆倒

yesterday has an interesting talk with a friend
(yea thats what we do for exam preparation)

seems there is a set expected formula for all people in the HK community

1. earn a university degree
2. get a job and earn money to support ur family and urself
3. buy a big house and car
4. get married and have a baby

and the baby will follow step 1-4 again
and the baby’s baby will follow step 1-4 too

generated by natural selection and some traditional thoughts,
this steps of life may have the best survival advantage

what people think is, social pressure:
1. DONT earn a university degree -> you are stupid
2. get a job and earn money to support ur family and urself –> you are not contributing to ur society and being selfish
3. buy a big house and car –> you dont have any label showing your richness
4. get married and have a baby –> you will have no one to take care of you when you are old

is it a must to follow this?
There are many things I wanna do
And what Im looking for is definitely NOT being rich or become an ibanker

sth I must do in my life:
i want to live in Japan for a year
I want to speak Japanese fluently
I want to have a job that is with low risk and high pay (XD)
I want to enjoy my life
I want to have enough sleep every day
I want to travel around the world, alone

thats what im really looking forward to.
so why i really appreciate people getting a gap year

why do we have to slave under the social expectation?
why cant I go to somewhere do some volunteer work
Why should I get straight As if it means I will have no life?

We never know how long our life would be.
人生如白駒過隙，倘不及時行樂，則老大徒傷悲也！