When I loved myself enough

  • I came to love being alone surrounded by silence, awed by its spell, listening to inner space.
  • I came to see emotional pain is a signal I am operating outside truth.
  • I learned to ask ‘Who in me is feeling this way?’ when I feel anxious, angry, restless or sad. If I listen patiently I discover who needs my love.
  • I no longer needed things or people to make me feel safe.
  • I quit exhausting myself by trying so hard.
  • I began leaving whatever wasn’t unhealthy—people, job, my beliefs and views– anything kept me small. My judgement calls it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving. 
  • I began to find a community within. This inner team with diverse talent and idiosyncrasy. We hold team meeting. 
  • I started writing about my life and views because I knew this was my right and my responsibility.
  • I stopped trying to banish the critical voices from my head. Now I say, Thank you for your views’ and they feel heard. End of discussion.
  • I quit rehashing the past and worrying about the future – which keeps me in the present where aliveness lives.

 
by Kim McMillen

[When I was waiting for xg in the PageOne store, I flipped through this book and found some lines quite inspiring. Acting as sketchy as a thief, I then tried to key in some enlightening sentences into my mobile phone …as if I am stealing sth from the bookstore. haha]

琉璃

H=\frac{P\cdot W}{t}

H=hosedness, P=Punting (distractions/hour), W=Work Assigned – Work Ignored (assignments), t=time(hours)

「今を生きろ、この一瞬を生きろ

ごめんねも、ありがとうも、愛してますも、今日のうちに言ってあげ!明日は何か起こるかわからないから、今を精一杯に生きる!

–  ロング・ラブレター〜漂流教室〜

明日は何が起こるかわからないのが人生ですものねーー

甚麼人都不想見了。

這四個月以來的缺氧,重傷的我需要好好療養。

心情心態心理脾氣上也要做到”pull myself together”,

然後再背上那沈重不堪的氧氣瓶,

一月底再潛下去 在深海最深處 迎接一波又一波的挑戰。

希望在新一年 可以做到我操縱情緒 而不是 情緒操縱我。

誓不再讓起伏的情緒沖昏理智。

Best of 2009

(not in order)

(0) I survived 2 semesters. ended with a 5.0 at the moment.

(1) I talked to my dream guy with my last bit of courage on love!! ^^

(2) I sang solo for a several times , and a handsome guy asked for my facebook after my performance =D

(3) I worked at an investment bank for 3 months, which is 15 mins away from home.

(in deep thought for 5 mins…)

(4) I got a new schoolbag which I like very much.

(…ok what else?)

(5) I really started to learn cooking. At least cooking is now less unfamiliar.

(5.5) I changed my major. I added a major. I changed my dorm!

===INTENSE LEARNING EXPERIENCE===
(6a) Now I understand “And God said Light” t-shirt becoz of 8.o2 (if Chester didnt mention it in his review session, I won’t realize it at all hahahaha)
(6b) I finished a 5000-word 20 page research paper on sulfur aerosol injection geoengineering scheme
(6c) Now I know how bridges, beams,trusses or tunnels fracture, collapse and  buckle.
(6d) Now I know how to use hand drill, any stay-away-from-children tools in a lab.
(6e) I know what is Solow’s model or what’s really going on in the macroecon world.
(6f) I LEARNT JAVA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(6g) I know about the overall situation of LDP of japan.
(6h) Thanks to my two research projects, now I am confident to talk about climate change adaptation planning policy or anything about cogeneration energy or district heating.

(6i) Looking back, given all the knowledge i’ve gained in this year, TFP is not really a FP.

I am happy that learning is still the sole responsiblity. i dont have to worry about anything except learning. sad that i am not smart enough if not I will be so sure to go for MEng. I don’t want to face the world. But for people as lazy as I am, if I don’t face the world asap, I will degenerate.