Welcome, the storm before the calm.
I finally have the courage to blog this after thinking about the same line every night in the past 3 months, namely “when side effect overrides symptoms”.
When will I be unfettered from this physical, or rather, mental misery? I was a quick thinker and speaker, It is not easy to adapt how jammed and blunt my mind has become all of a sudden. How torturing it is to witness myself embarrassing myself every single day in different occasions…that is not within my realm of control at all. This crazy dosage is the only effective cure to date. There is nothing I can do instead of embracing the unbearable changes it is bringing to my daily life…and who the hell knows when these waves of changes will finally break and roll back.
I am not victimizing myself nor begging for sympathy. But when frustration kicks in, allow me to word it out nicely. I know, someday all this mess will make me smile. I know, I know I should be very grateful that things are getting better, but with an contradictory method that almost kills my consciousness round the clock. I know, I know all these bitter incidents are nothing, but repeatedly it just reminds me how sharp and clear my brain was.
“You alone may lighten this burden, or render it intolerable. As you choose.”
Be strong. It is just one of the many storms in life.
“I thank gods whatever may be
For my unconquerable soul.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.”
– 2:45am 24 Mar 2013, not drowsy.
