如果一天发现我神经衰弱，那就一定是email alert 的错
一天放了太多時間在等待，空等，白等
等教授的回覆，等升降機，等食飯，等到星期五，
等待下一個長假期，等待實習人事部的回覆，等，等等。。
今日等唔到，聽日再等，後日再等。。
我說，我黏著我的電腦是有原因的。
今天買了40W電燈泡，讀愛的原著小說，文具
翻聽又翻聽小情歌，正經地讀了兩小時物理
為的，只是在鬱悶的時間隙中填上內容而已
為的，是暫時驱散我壓在心頭整年以来的鬱悶
已經步入思緒上的風燭殘年嗎
四分一的大學生涯。
經過再三失望沮喪自卑無奈鬱悶憤世嫉俗無能為力
不是對失敗麻木，而是對失敗的副作用的免疫
不是害怕獨處，而是享受難得的獨處時光
不是不願埋首書堆，是違己交病
不是行為怪異，是不甘活於荒誕的陳規下
不是逃避挑戰，是本身已活在挑戰裡
谢谢你们的倾听。
seems i have never thought about why i will like japanese people, culture and language all of a sudden
culture– in form 4 i lost common topics with some of my peers becoz i didnt read any manga or anime.
so i tried to bid a DVD of Fullmetal Alchemist, and I fell in love with it immediately
very crazy at that time, bought a lot of comics books, the souvenirs and stuffs
in one way i thought that it is cooler if i can wud gay and being so ‘playful’ at the same time hahahaha~
language- i started to learn for 2 months in form 4, stopped and started to learn in form 6 again
to be honest, i’ve never been so determined to learn sth before..coz i always gave up (piano, cello, whtever)
and learning japanese helped me to understand the anime , which really really makes me happy
people- my very first japanese frens are chishio and kazu sempai =p its really cool becoz after indulging
into japanese culture for 2 years, i finally got a chance to interact with the people and ‘apply’ wht i’ve learnt haha
i lead japanese ab-initio which gives me a sense of accomplishment, and of coz the-case-of-kazu-sempai
is really something.
surreal, remarkable, miraculous, adventurous, long-term, exciting, spiritual support, imaginary friend,
whtever u called it. hahahaha
then i’ve made a few trips to japan– in form 6 xmas, knowing that im risking all of my uapps,
I went to Tokyo Ronald Mcdonald house as exchange volunteer for a month, this is so far the most memorable trip
the trip is soo jeng that i think i got depression for at least half a year after that..= = no joking
ogikubo, setagaya, disneyland, hasegawa, biking home, meeting new friends, exploring the towns
o-m-g this is really the best thing ever ever happened.
then i went to Hokkaido with my bro in summer. very nice weather and i love traveling with my bro!!! haahaa
of course, i always love traveling ..i mean ji-yau-hang.
so to conclude, japanese stuffs is sth im very sure thats my interest, sth makes me excited
extra sensitive when i saw any japanese people or listen to any japanese language
it is like magic, sth really captivating, its like they hv casted a spell on me
it is a incurable disease with lots of crazy symptons. hahahahaha
well seems I haven’t written my blog for days.
the start of the spring break turned out to be something different.
on sat and sun night, i hosted samuel wilfred and carmen at MIT
without any extra bed and stuffs..i managed to steal enough blankets and some random cushions to make a bed for them XD
though im not really a good host hahaahaa =p we hv lunch at chinatown and fire&ice
then on fri my short u-rop meeting is postponed, and ended up on Sat !!
my UROP supervisor is really kind, he said he knows probably i will be alone while everyone goes back home
so after our two-hour intense meeting (and happy that he likes wht im doing for the research)
we went to the power plant that we did research by his car, then he invited me to his home for dinner!!
he lives in Newton, and his wife especially bought some 五香肉丁’s gelato =P sooo kind…
but no matter how i love this U-rop..Sunday is still a legal holiday
so i wont check my MIT email on Sunday XDD ……..
next week: clara joanne coming on tue-thurs (this time i cant be a hea host anymore XD)
u-rop meeting on monday, go to Brown….and plan ahead my get-all-A plan!!!
really loves this. Sunday, knowing that no classes in the following 7 days
lie on my bed, turn on my music loud coz everyone’s back home..relax
play bak chi game, hahaahaaaaaaaa
______
i dun hv to be jealous ..becoz everything im doing now u wont be able to do it =D
today heard my high school fren yup jor toudai…
it really strikes me ….i cant help but being jealous
and at the same time so appreciate her motivation/courage/effort
in achieving her dream and her real interest
dude you know..i usually wont give a damn to people getting into which uni..
like i wont get particularly jealous or shit… ahhh but its toudai man……………
to me its the coolest place i could ever study in
remembered before i really researched a lot about Japan uni applications information
of course once i mentioned it to my family they r either ha-ha-ha or discouraged me
but if i could exchange my MIT place with toudai /kyodai/ waseda any of these ,
very honestly i would really wanna study in japan instead at this freaking miserable nerdy place
anyway… when someone near me successfully achieved my dream life
i feel so miserable suddenly = = “”””” always choosing /doing things that is against my true will
while people can really do it
aii…suen la………and i dont see any exchange to japan uni in MIT …well even though there is internships..
suen lah =_______=”””
you are forever fettered by expectations and social norms…
and most importantly japanese undergraduates dont have to study at all and play whole day =_=
aiiiiiiiii……..gum im happy that someone shows me that my dream is not impossible geh~ is achievable
ahhh thats me who got the offer….i think i will faint away immediately..= =
SEE , ALWAYS LIVING IN REGRETS……
ai…suen la you have no choice but continue to stuck in this freaky place for 4 years
while people could really enjoy and immerse herself every second of her college life into sth she’s passionate about
3 midterms that i hv no idea about
i only have satruday sunday monday
and then i just studied for 3 hours for the WHOLEEE saturday
u know the consequence more than anyone else. u will suffer.
and now you choose to sleep.
you are damned
impromptuz 