Author: impromptuz

 

這個地方 無聲無色地 改造了我。我也無話可說。

這樣蠻不講理的我，還是自我隔離，修心養性 比較好。

我的self-discipline，定力，決心，品性，都超糟糕。

我也覺得自己很有問題。

一天不走出陰霾，一天不”撥亂反正”，一天生人勿近。

I think I seriously got mild dissociative identity disorder..scary.

給你：

恭喜你 這樣 無中生有地 莫名奇妙地 成為了我生命的推動力。你不認識我，我不認識你，但冥冥中 你無辜地被我選中了。如此病態的追求，是有跡可尋的。但往往這種虛幻的超現實傾向，卻來得實在充實。二十歲的我，還可以這樣對陌生人投入，實在不可理喻。但同時，這種畸形的跟蹤狂僻好，我太能理解了。

只要我不傷害到任何人，請容許我在我的小宇宙裡盡情放肆。我需要這種假想的精神寄託去填補我現實的殘缺。只要我不影響到任何事，請容許我沉溺。反正這種無名的依戀從不認真，從不長久。你是誰已經不重要了， 能重疊在同一時空朝夕相對，縱未能留下半點痕跡，已經可以了。我已經無計可思了，是安份守己的時候了，在畸想減退前，祝你幸福。看著你的背影，我得到力量。

二十歲的我，還是會暗裡希望 日劇的情節會發生在我身上而已，無稽非常。因為我是白癡，我太能理解了。更有可能是，我生活需要題材而已。破曉前四時三十九分的自修室，牙刷都帶來了，靜待著微光綻放的晨曦。討厭這裡鬱悶的氣息，但在整個麻省理工，就只有這裡可以專心讀書。只有這一處，也感謝我還有這一處。

耳機傳來的”Stranger in Moscow”，份外夢幻。

我上

蠅眼中，世界是分裂的，異化的。

________________________

Fig 1. my 形散神不散 written in 2-year LPC time.

• Rather calling it a blogging feature, writing in point-form (again) actually implies that I have forever lost the ability to write cohesive long paragraphs (See Fig. 1) , sorry lilaoshi :(

• 1.5 months left and if I don’t wud gay, especially in 14.02 and 1.00, I will stop eating McWings in Hong Kong

• …or if they ever finally found the magnetic monopoles.

• I really enjoy walking myself back home at sunset .. Vassar street is my k-room and I will sing so loudly as if there is no one else in the world

• speaking about singing, I just realized I’ve been so active in singing ever since I came to MIT. Singing is never my strength..but I guess a lil part in me actually enjoy performing shamelessly , yes I am indeed an insatiable narcissist, and am proud of it. haha

• 6am, daybreak, eason’s songs in iTunes, bejeweled, no distraction, absolute silence, reckless abandon, what could be better?!

• In these special days of the month, I will become even more critical/cynical/choleric/extreme/conservative/evil/juding/dangerous ..sometimes I wonder whether this is my true self or not. is it a kind of time-dependent dissociative identity disorder!? (誤)

• Christmas will be the very first holiday after high school that I don’t have an internship!!! things to do: meeeeet beenthai and friends, meeeet grandpa, readdddd books, study algebra,  watch drama as if there was no tomorrow =D ….I’ve never been homesick until recently. when things went too wrong and out of control, home is always my frontline resort.

• MSNing with people like Kala chung , vicky lam, xg, jenny liu etc makes me smile during class

• Not counting myself there is +129.71% increase of visit (FYI, around 70 hits per day)…that’s creeeeeepy becoz I never know who the hell is reading my BS XDD Anyway, thank you so much for bearing with me, sharing my bits and pieces, and visiting this fai blog!!!

• If you know me well, if I don’t blog I die, and If I die I can’t blog, so I blog when I ‘m still alive.  “equals Capital D.”- big bang theory

I will not surrender.
告訴你吧，世界
10:28am, Nov 20,2007.
因為我仍對未來有所期盼.

enough BS.
除了文字可一再刺激我停滯了的思緒，
3:16am, Nov 10, 2009.
我還能做什麼?