Twenty Six

My 8th birthday with impromptuz:
25歲 “25歲生日感言”
24歲 “亂up。24”

23歲 2x歲:生日感言
22歲 “22歲的生日 - 我最瘋狂的錯只是幻想童話的王國”
21歲”史上最摺的生日”
20歲 “holy crap, i’m already..”
19歲 “920 NYC 遊記”

Life is tumultuous — an endless losing and regaining of balance, a continuous struggle, never an assured victory. Meaning is something you build into your life. You are the only one who can put them together into that unique pattern that will be your life. Let it be a life that has dignity and meaning for you. If it does, then the particular balance of success or failure is of less account.

喔~我知道點解我會寫少咗blog啦。
因為據非正式統計,大概30%嘅blog posts都係during我搭車嘅時候寫嘅,依家行路返工只需要10分鐘,就冇咗呢個capacity去release呢d creative impulses lu。希望當一切都settle down之後,我會有多d時間同精神去寫多d野啦。頭一個月嘅回憶好寶貴,唔寫低就會永遠消失架啦。

Anyway 點解我會quote以上一段paragraph,因為發覺最近真係越嚟越lose balance in life。我嘅處世態度只會存在兩種幾toxic嘅extremes
(1) I don’t care! 是但啦 I am at peace now唔好煩啦whatever
or
(2) I care too much! 非常上心,好緊張,好大壓力,好重輸贏,好重視其他人嘅睇法,好急。
唔知由幾時開始,似乎冇咗兩個狀態中間好harmonious嘅生存狀態。 於是,個結果只有兩個:
(1) 我會令其他人唔高興
(2) 其他人會令我唔高興
嚟到成都之後,我幾開心嘅係,放工之後我有好充裕嘅獨處時間,冇任何因人而發嘅trigger,我嘅腦電波就可以好peaceful,所以overall speaking 精神狀態都尚算健康(in my own definition)。

雖然我之前9個月都係做retail,但因為範圍只係香港,係一個比較“唔憂做”嘅一個mature portfolio裡面,我行商場係一種learning with an eye of appreciation。但由呢個月開始,因為個expectation 一下子 set高咗好多,個環境都比較challenging,而我嘅能力同人脈(特別係內地)都好有限,我依家見到任何品牌嘅櫥窗都好anxious,好似突然變質。我想做得更好,一夜間就由 I care –> I care too much嘅status。希望可以儘快settle down,regain balance ,然後做返一個正常嘅f!0n!去好好發揮。