its funny to see how my life always loop back to the chaotic/ disorganized mode
no matter how i promise myself , ‘from today onwards, I will xyzxyz….”
and i could never realize my own goal / will……….
my life is so messed up, crazily messed up
u hv no idea how the hell I could end up like this
It was the best of time. It was the worst of times
feels like i am walking by a cliff blindfolded , and i dun even smell the lethal x
feels like im playing my own game, im my own judge,
i made the rule, im the audience, im everyone but myself.
i had a dream yesterday.
i tried to jump over to the other side of a cliff. and i keep falling keep falling keep falling
then i sink into the river , then i found a dead body, with exactly my body size and features
but i dun dare to look at her face.
i really hate to write sth like this in some public blogs like this
becoz i dun really want to publicize how eff up I am now and making people or myself worry
but indeed i am. i hv lost track of time. lost track of responsibilities.
lost track of self-discipline. I dun hell know how I would end up like this.
It is troublesome enough to deal with myself already…
and i dun eff care how long u hvnt seen me appearing or say how folded i am
u know what, if you are going through what im going through right now,
u will be surprised how i could still type out this entry
no, i dun want any “nei mo yea ma?” such kind of sympathy
becoz i know very clearly at one point i will become normal again
but this time im at the dark trough for too long that i am losing sense of time.
there is no way return becoz im blinded, unless someone leads me out of the mess
and tell me how i should walk my way again
i sound positive, i should sound like im positive
it is a very selfish act to sound pessimistic becoz it means you are unwittingly influencing everyone around you!
pathetic.
諸君、嵐は終わった。
When All You Have Left Is Your Pride
impromptuz 